I FEEEL THE LOVE!

aww miss stefani ! ur sooo helpful
i feel supported.
i havent lost any lb's
not that i look bad or anything.
i just feel like i would
be happier and healthier with the weight loss.
Ive never had an issue getting guys
i just feel as though im looked at more sexually
than just a beautiful girl a guy would want to date.
like i honestly have never ever been on a date
but ive had sex several times.
i know i know thats my own fualt but still
like i think it's becuase im so thick guys just see me as
a piece of meat or like a fantasy oppossed to a nice girl
they would want to get to know.
im thinking the weight loss would probaly help?

doing the damn thing

okay so I got all a's and one b = 4.25 for final report card
got a job ;)
which also means getting money =]
will be taking my drivers test soon = getting car
only thing now is losing like 20 lbs and possibly toning up
if i do that my life will be compleeeeete =]
i don't even need a boyfriend im content with myself for now ;)

Just Me

I don't write on here anymore nor do I necessarily want to write on here ne more. I just needed somewhere to write for the moment and didn't feel like picking up pen and paper.The computer is always more convienant. I asked my bestfriend at that to tell me everything negative about me. No I'm not depressed or sad i just wanted to know from someone who I trust and know loves me. She said " You can be clingy at time && a computer head.. you seem needy sometimes && act like you dk what to do w/ urslf && THE VOICE(i get this scared baby voice everytime i talk to new people), you always complain you don't have good clothes cus ur big or you cnt dress && then you try on my clothes && leave them on the floor, I cant do nething but sigh for you . Like me nd Shelby dream of wearing rugby and polo & lacoste big shit all the time . but you like complain and whine & i try , i really do, to help nd lift your spirits up, but im tired b/c it's becoming a cycle && it's annoying. Youre pretty, but you always want what someone else has , it's like ur never satisfied w/ yourself && I try to help you but my patience is gettn low cus idk what 2 do w/ you."

i really appreciate her telling me all this . Not that she wouldnt tell me all this becuase she does nothing but keep it 100 percent honest but sometimes it's like i relally don't know what to do with myself. I ride the train and feel so uncomfortable in the crowd of people. I'm not confident inmyself and I'm very insecure. and I ALWAYS want what someone else has and i dn't have ne backbone and i cling to everything i feel I love becuase i dn't want it to leave me or go away... idk i mean i feel change coming for me . Im soon to be in the 12th grade this upcoming fall . I got one year to get all the bullshit out of my system before college hopefully i take full advantage of it.

Till then I'll practice on learning to love and to like and to deal with JUST ME.

IDIOT

I am lost.
Scared and lost.
I want to float.
To float away.
Stupid girl.
stupid stupid girl.

CyberLife-link

I remember being about 12 or 13
and having my own computer in my room
I discoverd I.M.'ing on yahoo and aim
and chat rooms and forums and I was totally
addicted to the computer
like i was seriously an addict
I would sit there and not eat or sleep hardly
and just sit and stare @ the computer for hours
non stop
no matter the headaches or the stomach growls
or homework or school i would be there
glued to that computer screen.
As summer of 8th grade to the beginning of 9th
i had no access to a computer
so i learned to last without one
only using it when i visited librarys etc. etc.
and that winged me off of it for a long time my entire
9th and partly 10th grade year i got better at
using the computer
I began to do my homeowrk more
and began to eat like a normal human being
participate in things etc etc..
but towards the end of my 10th grade year
mainly this summer i felt it creeping back
the ADDICTION .
i knooooow this is wrong i know
what im doing and ill still put off
school work to check my facebook page
and just I.M.'ing people to webcam
Shit right now @ this very moment
ive had an entire week to do
these chapter questions and essays
and study for this test tommorrw
and as you see im sitting here writing a blog.
it;s like i can't leave the internet and
web communication things alone
and what makes it worse is that
i HAVE to use the computer 4 this homework
which causes me temptations ....
uggggggggggh
my cyberlife-link.



my name is Morgan and im a
computer addict .

I'm Baaaaaack

Hello my lil blogfiends

I am officially a junior ♥

it's been sucha loooong time

well I'm starting of this seasons blogging

sessions with a new attitude.

a new style .

a new everything.

=]

school has been hetic.

not so mch for drama but

the actual school work

ya girl i staking 3 Advanced placement courses

this year tryna get them college credits early.

ohh yeah and update--

FUCK BEING NATURAL!

lol .... it's hard work

and i don't have the time or

patience for it . maybe in my future.

( I will miss it though

*pictures of my transition and trasition back

to perm coming soon*)

Any ways I been feeling extra inspired

and do it yourselfy

so uhmmm I'll be making and altering my own

clothes for a minute.

any ways enjoy!

Trust

trust.
trust you.
I trusted you.
&& you hurt me.
you played me and you hurt me.
I am strong.
I am stronger now two days later I am not
phased by you.
I can't let you get to me .
I won't let you get to me.
I cried.
I will probaly cry some more.
but I am strong.
you lost my respect as a human .
I am sorry 4 you.
I am sorry 4 you becuase your sick .
You have to be either sick dumb or both.
But I am strong.
Stronger than you.
Stronger than this..
Stronger than the world.
everytime I am let down I am that more
determined.... that more ready to defeat you
whether it be your thoughts your actions or whatever.
... weight of the world on my shoulder
and I aint gon complain no more
Ima carry that shit becuase Ima solidier and
I am loyal to myself and i love me.
I aint never been weak I just fell off the track 4 a minute
but I always been strong I'm just starting
realize my strength.

P words

So I am currently procrastinating
....once again.
That's like my worst habit and my biggest
pet peeve and my biggest personality flaw.
I keep putting things off all the time.
I really need to start these summer assignments.
But I really really don't feel up to it and
i kno for a fact I'm going to wait till the last
possible minute and try to did these shit loads
of assignments to turn in on the 1st and 2nd days of school.

uhmmm... and you would think maybe becuase I'm
talking about it and so disguested with myself about it
I'd go pick up the books and or start the assignments
and reasearch or whatever after this post but
I won't. I might look at it but I'm not going to do it ...
Don't feel like it and don't want to.

I've always wonderd how I've done so well in school
was it becuase my schools were some poor as schools
and the education was sloppy? but i took
advanced and honors and all these gifted and tech courses..
the work would even be hard sometimes.
But i've always just p-worded lol (procrastinated)
I mean maybe all my work was so good becuase I was under
pressure to finish to get the job done and get good grades
becuase I wouldn't dare bring bad grades in my house.
Then that makes me ponder if my work was good with
my last minute-ness what would my work have been like
if i had done it piece by piece and all early and stuff?
Like could it have been extrodinary ? or would it have been shitty
becuase the drive aint in it?

Other news :

So I went for another check up with the
Pussy doctor ....
ughh I hate that word it sounds ....
trifling like the vagina is dirty ....
but i wanted a p word . so ne whoo
they took my blood this time annnd
another culture sample ...
expecting those results soon ...
PRAY for me .. i hope I don't have
like herpes or HIV or some utha
type of uncurable diseases .
I also hope after the meds my
STD went away ... but who knows I will find out.
also said i needa pelvic sonogram I might have cist
..... so now I'm hoping I don;t have that shit becuase
then I would have to get it removed ... and umm
I've never had surgey b4.

As well as .... geesh I keep breaking
promises to myself. Saaaid Iw ouldn't
have sex ne more but I've done it twice since
I said that shit... lol
It's just some things I'm going to have to live with
As well as I haven't played a lick of volleyball all summer
and I really wanted to practice so that I could join the team
when school started.
Ohh damn well i wanna box ne who and this is something
I been wanting to do for a long time.
so im look into that 4 sure...

... p words.

New Journey

So basically this July is coming to a close

bout 2 more weeks of it and August will b here

that school feeling is soon to kick in

haven't started ne of my summer assignments

a.k.a. summer school work for advanced classes

that piss me off becuase I always do them last minute

might of fact now that I bring that up even though

this is still kinda late I still have time

Ima look them up on the school website soon as I finish this posts.

But ne who it's still summer

I haven't been blogging about each individul thing thats significant

and yes I apologise I should have been .

But to sum some shid up

my dads (wow haven't called him that in a while)

well havent reffered to him as that, you may know him

as "mybitch" as said in previous posts is still infact

a crazy bitch .... let me not get into that

* sighs , fans self*.

The stepmom still M.I.A. lol till the end of the month

*Smiles devilshy at the thought *

going to c real mom end of the month

*frowns but then smiles becuase it means

more extended time away from the evil stepmother*

But about my New Journey

I decided to go all natural with my hair

it wasn't becuase I want to get intouch with my roots

or ne thing that might actual sound good but

becuase I don't have ne money .

I don't have the dough to get my hair relaxed every 3 months

or more and then to pay 4 touchups and re-do's every 2 months.

I mean I could do relaxers at home but ....... I am not about

to lose all my hair becuase of myself lol ... I'd radther blame

it on someone else.

As well as my hair seems to respond better to this new

found naturalness it's growing like crazy. and it's good and thick

and not thin and lifeless like a relaxer leaves it .

I mean I don't care how mnay curls or whatever a

hairdresser puts in I'm

always pushing up my hair... fact is I just love big hair

and I just love my natural hair texture

thick wavy and curly.

I just can't wait till I start getting some real length

and my hair is really healthy.

I mean yeah it's growing but it's breaking to my ends are atrocious.

Ima get those cut down soon but im not ready 4 my big chop.

and yes big chop is a real term in the natural hair world.

Right now my last relaxer was jan.2009

i got another haircut and my back was razored down

so maybe thats about 5 inches or less of actual relaxed hair

add in big breakage about 2 inches or a lil more

probaly 1 now becuase I was flatironing my hair like crazy

in feb march april and may.

but when I went to get a transitioning style (another term)

4 the summer I had about 2 or more inches of newgrowth.

Right now I have nubian twists they look like dreads

and might I add they look damn good on me ...

I'd b a bad lil lightskin rastafarian lls ( and my family

is actually jamaican)

but ne who.... thats where I'm currently at

had these in for about 3 1/2 weeks

I'll probaly take em out middle of august and

gt some tracks ....

I need protective styles to keep me from going

flat iron crazy.

Last part of my new journey I plan on losing some

weight ... this time I'm not gonna beat myself up over it

Ima stop attacking myself and just go with the flow

... watch what I'm eating and how much ....

and actually get my lazy butt up sometime and workout.

Not Obbesses over lil things but take baby steps

and I have to thanks my fellow digestess for helping

me through my darktimes and showing me that

no matter what I look like I'm still a beautiful person and

no matter what I go through and do I can still be a better person

and that I am a good person

and as far as looks go .......

Im pretty fucking damn beautiful if I must say so myself

and my body is pretty damn goodlooking.

So fuck my haters ( and yes my hater is me )

I'm tired of putting myself down all the time

mentally and physically.

sick of it and it's time things change.

sooooo heres to change

and yes I will put up pictures .

(i mean more pics as I post,

the next time.

these 2 are a lil rough)

love.sex. && magic

My dear summer
=]
Aruba was okay not
exactly what i had planned or hoped for
but fun .
Highlights
-banana boating
- 18 & over club
- 16 yr old drinking age
-Nalanilove
- Wolfpack

2 of which i was well underaged 4 .
(I'm only 15 as of right now
... b-day 09.09.)

But being home was the best part
stepmom , lil brother, &&& the Dog
GONE
Mybitch (Dad) worked overtime and nights
so house was mine from 11p.m. till 2:30 p.m.
the next afternoon
Talk about living the life
had my boo over every night, kill .
and i felt so good
no sex whats so ever .
Like have you ever just chilled with someone
a whole night laying in ur bed kissing and stuff
but no sex?
i mean to someone else they'd b like ewww
that wasn't cool yall aint do nothing
but to me i appreciate that....
It was refreshing becoming intimate without
getting intimate in one of the most intimate
places you could be intimate . lol
we talked and laughed and kissed ... Goodlife.

Then everyday my dad would come home
and let me go out almost everyday .
went to the smithsonian with my Ohmoney
went to the Harbor
and the Monument with my Mina
I mean life was good
hoping this upcoming week follows
but I don't know when my step-mom comes back
it seems when she is home my dad is a bitch the most
when she aint here me and my dad get along great
he lets me do things I just be chilling
we don't bother each other i do my thing he does his
but when shes here the tension is so thick
everyones panties r in a bunch ....guess this would b life
if he never married her ....
things to ponder

Worst part of my week
I mean i know this is personal but I gotta
keep it real plus if i don't right it down or let it out
it's gonna fuck wit me
but I gotta call from the gyn bout my culture sample
got a Std.... I know I know
how gross but it's funny how you think
things won't happen to you .
funny how little moments of pleasure n stuff
can be turned into something crazy .
i don;t have gonnoreah or nothing but
I mean i'm glad the std I do have is something
I can cure something I can take a couple antibiotics for and call it day .
it's funny how I don't even talk to the guy who I know
gave it to me ... how I wanted to be with him sooooo badly
how he carried me all the time how he treated me .
thinking if I had sex with him he might like me more....
I mean I got the pills n stuff now
and i been taking them and i didsomething curageous
I told him about me having this std
and how i believe he should get tested .
etc etc .
he jah carried me again....
told me he got tested 2 weeks ago and was clean
and I knoooooooooow that couldnt b true
becuase even if i ddnt catch it from him
he would have caught it from me
we did it twice raw and "I" went to the
gyn 2 weeks ago and they took the cultures.

ughhh hate liars ..
ne who I learned
to be safe or have no sex at all .
dnt get persuaded into that shit.....
I regreated telling him at 1st but Im happy I did
I mean hopefully he''ll go gt checkd out
becuase i would hate for him to infect
another girl .... for someone to b in my situation
and not know someone who dont go to the doctors
like i do or someone who dont have a way to get the meds
like i do . whatever the case i did my deed
I am content

Basically this summer I'm growing.
i can feel it .
i mean not physically
(evn though i would like to get
some big old biddies to match this booty lol )
but mentally and emotionally
learning about my self learning
to be a better person ....
to let things go .
to be stronger
to love me .
to be happy

Dear summer ;
I love you! thanks alot =]

Sincerly.
Morg. (XOX XOX XOX0)

One happy little island

going to Aruba
=]
tomorrow.
my bestfriend will b there too.
I love her man.

any whooo
Aruba .. sweet sweet Aruba .
i swear every year I go it bring new beginnings..
I lost my virginity on Eagle Beach
..... that was one of the wort nights i ever had...
but it was the most life changing.
Sometimes I wish I could take it back
be pure again... tender innocence.
but it happened ... and thats life ..
thats where everything began ...
that's what paved things out my 10th grade year..
It was me actually taking chances
not to say i should have done it
but it brought me out of my shell...
maan this year ..... was hell but it was GREAT!

I swear my years are backwards
everyone starts the year january 1st
but mines doesn't start till June 1st.
my summers make and break me for the upcomming
school year. .....
all my resolutions... goals experiences
everything dnt start till then ....

But im not gon get deep
i still got ish to pack and it's
12:01 midnight ....
but yeah might nt b posting 4 a while
but ill be back wit some
pics and stories and life stuff in about a week.

Toodles
-MurdahMimz! lol

Dear God

why am I this way?
it is said i am made 4 a purpose
but that is that?
everyday i am constantly told
reminded and proven that I
aint shit .
Can u believe my father said
fuck me again today
over a damn hash brown?
i mean im not mad and
im not gon let it beat me up
just disappointed because
he had a big temper tantrum
like a bitch (excuse my language
but that's how i talk God ...
y censor it if u hear me talk like this all day
I have confidence that that won't change
how u think or feel about me .... u do love
me right?) but he did that and
then gets mad at me and calls me
selfish and childish .... r u serious?
.... I pray for him God
please give him some insight show him that
he's fuckin crazy sometimes.

God will i ever find someone ?
not a boyfriend or ne of that just guy
that i like that i can chill with ...
a guy that dont mind going out with me
(he don't even gotta dish out ne money)
someone that when we alone he not thinking
Ass tittys pussy fuck
but he genuinely wanna spend his time with me .
he wanna talk to me and get to know me
not about just my sexual life....
someone that keeps it real all the time
and dnt mind the stupid txts i send
and the pointless calls with no motives of fucking.
God y is it that no guy has ever liked me like that?
is it because ima lard ass?
guys don't wanna dare go out in public with me
is it because im boring?
is it because all guy think about when they see me
is ass?
i mean i dnt even wear revealing clothes....
and everytime im talking to someone
they all my friend until we have sex then
it's over...
i mean ive stopped doing that but is that all
guys expect from me?
.... i swear its like all i am is a quick fuck and
i be pouring myself out there being real and
true and they take advantage of that play with my mind and
dogg me out...

God....
y do i dislike myself so much
i know self esteem
is 4 myself self
im spossed2 feel good about me
but i don't
personally i feel im so ugly
not from a physical standpoint
bt everything else
my personality is sooo shitty
the things i do are fucked up
my priorities alll wrong.
evrrrrrything.. and im 15 and im fucking
..... and i been fucking raw...
what part of the game is this?
y am i sucha a idiot God?
.... how i let myself make these mistake time
and time again and i know better.
and don;t let me get started on the physical ...
like seriously does my mouth have an off switch
i just eat and eat and eat ... and i know im just eating everything
i dnt even feel bad about it 4 utha people
but im so tired of looking at my lard ass...
nd when i be working out and eating right that last maybe a month
and then it's back to bn a fat ass....
maaaaan i hate me god ...
god .... help me to love myself
inside and out ...

theres so many things i wanna talk about
with you just don;t have that kinda time...
.... but help me out with these things up there
please im not asking 4 a miracle but just some
tips some signs some something to help me through this ...

Amen.

love
morgan.

Fuckery

i hate that damn movie
"He's Just not that into you"
like seriously .....
like im sooo pisssssed
you uncuntworthy whores of men
..... *takes a deep breathe*
okay i over exxaggerated
but really like .... it was just so

true

like i was just mad the whole entire time
even when everyone mixed and matched and
was happy in the end like
people are seriously fucked up that
we do this shit to each other ....
not just guys
but us females too...

becuase i've had my share of guys that i've
just hooked up with or talked to momentarily
etc etc and didn't even think twice about them
blew their text, phone calls, and messages off.
I felt bad about it but i learned that
people do as they have been done

It's like monkey see monkey do.
People fuck over each other because of their
previous fuck over from someone else
and everyone is trying to play the other person
before they get played

then there are those that are hopeless romantics
that lay themselves on the line time and time again
to just get burned by the same damn flames
different candle every time ....(sometimes it may
even esp. in my case the same fuckin candle)

but really like people ..... is this honestly
how we are living now
using double standards ...
rules.... and exceptions etc. to justify our lives and
our emotional being.
Hell yeah it is because
thats all we know
all we've seen done .

When were tired of playing follow the leader
(who ever and whatever that might be) maybe
the world would be a better place.

Waiting to Exhale

I feel like a hot air balloon
Open to those under neath it
i.e. friends, close companions
but closed to those around it
Constantly being filled
with hot nasty negative airs
So much that I'm flying high above
the clouds .

Like I took a great big breath and
haven't exhaled yet. Like I'm suffocating.
This 2008-09
school year changed my life.
Yes 9'th grade was a good year
but 10'th grade has definitely won the title.
Alot of 1st times doing this and that
and really experiencing things .... without
a care in the world and then
came the biggest hardships and the
biggest downfalls and being hurt.
The many relationships
the guys ....everything.

I went to graduation yesterday
I really felt like crying when
they threw their caps in the air.
I don't know but it's like i felt as if
a part of me was gone.
Like them not being with me in FHS
took a big chunk out of me.
But then I took a deep breathe.

I didn't exhale ... i held the cry in.
i held the breathe in.
I have a hard time accepting losses..
losses in anything.
But I'm learning to let stuff go.
Well not really
but I'm trying.

i "realized" once I
Evaluate.Understand.Realize.
I stated this before previously .
But once I actually do this
and then LET GO .
I can then exhale.

Shout outs

if i ever were to die id want these people
to know I LOVEEEEE THEM!

-Omonigho
-Nalani
-Afryca
-Amina
-Alexis
-Asia W (A. Solo)
-Gabel
-William
-Javel
-Shanee
-Ariana
and family but yeah those wud be my mains
and id hope they come to my funeral. lls

i screamed for Help

but noone did.


today i was very sexually harassed by this
mentally ill boy.
His brother happens to be
one of the star football players as
well as their 4 or 3 older brothers
that came before them but
the youngest one is mentally ill
but very physically able .

He's very friendly when it comes to girls
and girls being nice give them their numbers
etc. etc. jut because he slow.

but I on the other hand rejected
this nature because
I don't think that shit is cute
and I reeeally don;t need him calling
bugging me .... He just flipped out
saying WHY! yelling why (in a retarded voice)
screaming at me pulling at me .

he was so stroooong
Taking me closer trying to kiss me ..
locking my body up between him nd
the walls ... finally i get free nd run
to people but they laugh thinking it's a joke
and im like no it's serious help me !!
and everyone just laughed and left..
So i run away trying to find safety
and there he is chasing me
screaming crazily.

..... now i understand how rape victims feel
like completely helpless under someone
trying to break free .. fighting for urself
and not being able to .

I mean it may not seem serious to u
but i felt completely violated and
helpless. sexual harassment is no
joke because at 1st it may start off as fun and
games but it started to get real and serious
i was really scared.... but i ran to
safety outside ... with a big group ...

It's funny how people just accept things
or turn a blind eye this is our society ...

i coulda been molested or something
he was dragging me down dark parts of hallways
and grabbin at me ......
glad i broke free...

I learned to listen !
when people scream help
and or something seems wrong
im not just going to ignore it
and say "that aint my business"
im going to atleast look into it ....
who knows? it maybe
someone in my same situation.

Better Mood

okay so i kirked out yesterday
..... i'm chilling today ..
just thinking about the future
what summer shall bring
brighter days if you must.

Aruba time is approaching fast
I am enthusiastic about this but at the same
time very skeptical ....
I don't have the beach ready body I wanted
I still have jelly filled arms
and flubber for stomach...
I dread summer ...
I hate the girls and their slim bodies
wearing skimpy clothing i wouldnt dare touch
and then theres me...
wearing what seems to be cute to me
then i step out into the outside world
and find the shit i just put on looks like
ne old thing compared to everyone else.
Niggas don't see me ....
Everyonce in a while Ill go out and maybe
someone will talk to me but usually it's
my beautiful friends getting all the love..
school doesn't count yeah i get the bait in school
but thats only becuase my butt looks gigantic in khakis
outside of school .... im just ur average plain jane lookin
broad...... maybe thicker than her though ...

but still like I said my mood is better and I
dare not bring it down . so I'm taking me
and my big ass beach whale body to
aruba and im going to have a good time.

Forget those that over look me because
I can only go up from here and those that
doubted me and those that turn there noses
upon me will have regrets...
my time will come one day ..

thats me to the left ... i liked the pic
when i took it but after upoading it to the computer
it's really radther ... ugly
stupid hair that is going natural
haven't had a perm in 5 months
that looks real shitty
fat ass grandma flubber arms
that i hate when people squeeze
dumb ass bubble stomach that could definatley
skip a meal or two .... or 5
and freakin back fat ...
uggghhh
wheres the self love

havent joined any sports becuase
i quit them all as soon as i start....
just bn fat ....

fuck it once again .....
one day ill be where
i wanna be but as 4 now
.... this is me .
like it or not.

All the pieces..

Pieces of me ;


Man I'm dressed cute shirt
cute shorts with a cuff and pleat
....nice makeup
hair straightened....
no where to go.

It's so nice outside .
I have no transportation .
Tried to make plans
everyone is busy

Friend #1
is going to a cookout

Friend #2
is going to prom

Friend #3
is off @ museums
&& cookout

Friend #4
is fuck if i know

Friend #5
he's always doing something


Anyways im pissed @ Friend #4 like
seriously bitch u don;t wanna hang out with
me ne more because my dad doesn't trust you?
Because he clocks where we go and he don;t want
me 2 pend the night
like seriously im mad tooo at him
and it sucks he dnt trust me but still
that don;t validate you not hanging with me
but once again i promised myself
i wouldn't get mad at you because of the people
you now radther hang with...
the ones who smoke and drink and
dont come to school and are strippers
and fucking prostitutes....
yeah real classy grop you choosen
the ones that got u not just smoking weed
(Which i can tolerate) but the ones
that got you smoking cigarettes on a daily basis
now ur a nicotine fiend and a alcholic...
Real cute .
How can you say "well damn I'll see if I want you
to come with us cusz u gotta be in the house and shit..
I'll let you kno" and I'm tired of ur ass
hanging up on me everytime I call and damn
u do that shit when u call me ....
FUCK YOU !!

Like seriously u are so my past right now.
Fuck the phone calls
Fuck the going out of my way
to help you out ...
Fuck us as friends man
It's funny cusz 4 real
man I care about u like shit
but friends don't do this to each other
on constant basis .
I mean 4 real i'm always here 4 u but
all that extra shit is out the window
pretty much u are just an old friend
to me ....
like those friends yo talk to occassionally
you may hang out with them but
they not ur inner circle ....
good for you son .... lost my respect in you .
=]

i aint need ur shit neways u stressed me like hell

anyways i called my big brother ...
he's coming to get me ...
I don't need you
to have fun .

Ha ha ..... im hurting like hell on the inside
but ill be good ... im so serious about everything
and i meant everyything
now if only she would ever readd my blogs.....

carried away

yesterday i let my feelings get the best of me
I mean i still feel as though I put others b4 me tryna
please everyone but myself but
never just a big fuck you to my friends...
I love those girls man

as much as mybitch
rants and raves off at the mouth
and makes me angry he did say something today
during in an argument that sparked my interest
got me thinking...

he said " You think with your emotions and
you don't look at reality and whats actually
in front of you"

Damn I hate when mybitch is right.
Everything I've ever done was not because of
instinct and conscious thinking
or with seeing
but with feelings and emotions.

and someone i really am not particular about
said something smart ..
"why is every 1 trying to be different. try being real"
or something to that effect.
Honestly I don't really care for her at all
but she does say things I can agree with and understand
and feel where she coming from ......
maybe thats y we was cool b4...
and i dnt know what happend but it's fake beef

but besides that back to the point

i let my emotions get the best of me ....
now I need to just cool it
and look at reality .....
What can I do to get the job done!

Decieve me baby

Damn .... I hate when I believe something
no btter yet think something n it's not at all true.
This isn't about a nigga or ne thing
because as of right now i dnt talk to ne body.
but this is about my best fucking friend
2 of them inparticular.

I'm a good asss fucking friend.
No doubt no lie.
I mean I do crudy shit sometimes but I'm loyal as fuck
I'm down for my team ne time of day for almost anything.
I've swallowd alot of my fucking fears for you 2 and did
shit I would normally be "FUCK NO" to .
I'd fight and kill for yall...
and I swear if yall was out of my life I'd die
I love yall with my heart nd shit
and when I fucking hear and receive shit like this i'm pissed.

Like seriously i know you feel the drifting between us
but I'm past that becuase oer the past 2 months
a bitch got her shit together and learned to stand
on her own two feet. Thus be independent from you .
But when you this fucking loyal it eats at you knowing
u'd dmn near break ur neck leg and arm for someone else
and they don't ever seem like thhey atleast appreciate it but
more so take advantage of it and your left feeling used

well not anymore....
im tired of busting my ass for you
caring about you and shit and you put my ass
on the back burner ....
I mean I'm alway here for u no doubt
and I'm gon always have ur back
and Ima always love you but
I'm tired of bn used ....... my services
will b focused more on me from now on.

next

and youu....
like seriously surprise surprise
every fucking day feels like a waiste of damn time now
like wow thts how u feel??
I know these r ur feelings and ur right
I can't censor that and shouldn't censor that
and for real for real I respect that
but really, its sad u feel that way
because in my mind it was completly different
thought we was progressing and whole time
........ we back at fucking square 1 .


FUCK this shit .
i'm not really mad
just dissapointed........

decieve me yall
please just one more time
fuck with my mind ......
shiit ....
it kinda hurts cuz
i mean outside of yalll
who else i got?
not my bitch... not my mom
........ and this is what happens?

Shiiiid i dnt even have myself half the time
but id have yall ne time

shit aint right ....
nobody need worry bout me
cuz i do me ...
nd will continue to do so
esp. after this shit...


mood: FUCK YOU BITCHES!