Beast mentality

Haven't blogged in a long time
Iv'e been so busy but check it (lmao)


I'm feeling real raw like real guttah right now
I don't know y exactly but yeah

So I got this bitch .
Not a ride a die bitch
but an annoying fussy bitch
scardy cat won't let me live my life bitch
even when I aint done shit the type
to say I done wrong bitch
This bitch that bitches about bitches
that I role with bitch.
a bitch of all bitches ... talking about
my daddy bitch.

Alright I do give my bitch some credit though. We had the bird in the cage talk. Or dog on the leash talk if you consider my life. I told him about this lil 9th grader (he was so cute) that said I was pretty and he wanted to take me to 711. I though it was so funny. Then my dad said "so if your not a 711 kinda girl what kinda girl r you? I was like breaking pockets or not? he says "yeah he got bank nd he drive and all that" so I'm like yeh...... mmm CHEESCAKE FACTORY lol. then we get into the whole so can boys pick me up from the house and shit ...and he's like cool. Then we get into the whole boyfriend thing and if he met them how he would act. Actually he respondid btter than i thought. he said "iif he has the balls to meet me then i don't mind you going out with him." and then im like r u going to be a butt bout it "and he says ima jut ask some questions and hope he's not a fuckup. then yall can go out as long as yall call me and let me know where yall r etc etc. I mean i don't know if this is true or not but when i asked him this befoe he bitched and moaned and told me I better not have a boyfriend. so aint this progress?.

---- this conversation was days after my horrrrrrible valentines day

2-14-09
was the worst v-day experience ever
so ummmm i go to my bestfriends house
her mom isnt home but her brother is
my dad doesn't like my bestfriend at all.
sooooo he doesn't want me to go but he lets me
as soon as we pull up her brother is gttn in the car and leaving.
not a good look at all
so when i get in my dad calls and says y is her brother leaving
are you lyin to me etc etc.
im like noooo i can have her brother call you etc i ddnt know he was leavin.
he says whtever hve him call me when he get back.
so we order chinese food and watch movies
her bro comes in and we call my dad.
he seems okay with it... i dk
but my dad has to work so i asked my aunt to pick me up
i want to spend the night but when i call again to ask my dad
he says no...
not just no
but
"i don;t like your friend shes waisting her life.
and your a lier and why do you have to spend
the night at others houses ? you don't do suff
in the house BLAGGGH BLAAAAAH"
sooo ummmm basically he thinks
me and my firiend were havin some sex
crazed orgy( lmao) at her house while her people
were away when he was finally finished rappin.
for once in my life i when i wasn't tryna do nothing
but chill because my bestfriend and i both got stoood up
he thinks im doing something.
what a bitch.

I'm tired of this nigga forreal
just 2 1/2 more years

Updates

Hello digestees!!
i didn't think anyone read this stuff
but thnnnx everyone for your support.
but ummmm here i go.
First off Happy Valentines day♥
even to those of you who got a boo
or those of you who are single and lovin yourself.

well, on the up side I'm off punishment.
Happy and smiling once again.
It's 3rd quarter and i'm getting a fresh start.
I am determined to do good. =]
.. well I'ma try.
-----
this week got alot of numbers
hmmmm some old flames tryna get rekindled ...
some new ones tryna start up
ahhhhhhh this is crazy
it's so random and "alla sudden".
but im not complaining it's been a while
since i've talked to someone.

ole yelnats blew my v-day ...
..... y the fuck would you make plans
to go to the club with your "mans"
when we been planning to go out for a week
then on top of that you gottah work till 6 ...
and you tell me "maybe I can see you b4 I go to the club?"
no bitch i dnt wanna see you we had dinner to go to.
lol but im not even really mad cusz like i said
he's just company. fuck him

but just for today lol

omg i have o much i wanna blog about but
it's too much to type .. nd i should have been
keeping this updated...

but to end on a higher note
im stepping out today and regaurdless
of all the lovy duvy people put there
nd my lonely ass i WILL have fun.

She lives in my lap

*listnin to prototype - andre 3000
--really the whole love below cd*

hmmm Crazy thoughts.
I need cash and lots of it.
i actually need to do this school work
but I can't. When I open up these books
my head starts to hurt and sleep comes over me
How did I fall into this place?
I the "used" to be straight A student
have become a good B student with
the occasional C, ...or 2 now in my case, student.
-----------
I could say I'm a little depressed but I can't admit that.
Ive become lazier and lazier as the days have gone
we haven't had conditioning in a good while... I think I'm
back out of shape. Hair is a total mess.
ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! where the fuck is my happiness.
cn't even talk to the people who make me smile.

what am I 10?

I'm nearly 16 year old and I'm on punishment.
yes, not just stay in the house punishment but
I'm taking your cell phone no house phone punishment.
Like seriously and while I'm explaining this to someone
they say "awww I remember sneaking on the phone!"
really though... did you have to say that? BITCH!
yeah I feel like I'm 10 years old . i cn't see him
i cnt call him Does this life suck? yeah it does.

I am not my hair

Ughh .
hair =[ good ole short messy hair.
i kinda like it thick myself but it's too nappy
or so they say but I don't have the money
to get it done. everyone has something
to say about my hair but noone has put out
a dime for the shit to get done. So fuck what your saying.
I love short hair but it's too much maintenance for me
I don't have the money or the tools to keep it
done . I want my long carefree hair back but
it take too long to grow. hmmmm hair;
aint it funny how stupid shit
like hair consumes our time but important shit
like school seems to fly by.
I want color and extensions I want to go all out
but daddy says no and my pockets don't seem
to produce enough mula for the shit.
when this science fair blows over
I guess i'll go get it done.
money.... you got me again.
I need a job .

u woudnt get far.

Finally 3rd quarter.
Meaning sweet summer back in my arms very very soon.
I messed up the second quarter something serious . . . procrastination got the best of me.
i promised myself that this time it would be different but it's always the same.
I must seem like a sorry guss all the time. grrr I hate emotion.
My mind latley been on some other shit . some hurt shit..
some thinkers shit.
Man this Yelnats has really not sincken in. I think it's more of having someone to speak to for
hours on end and even if not saying nothing just knowing that he's there ready to just listen to my bullshit and vise versa. He tells me that he wants to be more than friends..... and this was off some first day shit he said he can tell im real. While any other time I woud have considerd it but I said no.... I mean not forever no but not right now no. He says 'but whenn?" I tell him I don't know and when it feels right I suppose". He says to me ' you know like I know it feels right. I make you smile and I make you laugh.. I make you happy and you make me happy and BLLAH BLAH BLAH" I mean usually I would fall so easily to this kinda shit but I can't . I did this shit too many times in the past , too many times , for shit to turn sour like every other time. I'm not saying fuck love but right now I just want to enjoy your company. you listen to my shit and I listen to yours and we just talk smoove like that. It seems like thatd just be using him but my heart aint ready for lovein nobody . Shit it was never ready and I refuse to be nieve stupid heartbroken morgan once again. .... sorry yelnats tht boyfriend and girlfriend thing seems far from our future but your sweet and i am no future teller.

Tearing me up

Those words seem to eat away at me from time to time.

Like how could you, my own father, call me a "fuck up"

and then joke with me all in the same hour.

I'm think in the back of my mind how shitty you are

all the while I laugh at your stupid ass.

Even though one shouldn't think this but you sure as hell make me

wonder for you, what it is you'll do when your all old and shriveled up and

need someone to take care of you?

but for real i won't take this verbal abuse.

when i tell you how i feel or even say something back

I get nothing but "Fuck Are you so sensitive for acting like a pussy

go cry in a corner boo whoo"

Nigga fuck you!. then you get mad when I start to

tlking bout yo ass, yeah bitch i am my fathers child.

but when i do it im a smart ass who got a bad attitude .

yeh and you don't want me to be like mommy.

ma they keep telling me everyone even your own son

how cruddy you are but for some reason no matter

how much you hurt me i cn't let you go .

i mean ma im on your teeeeam, y u play ur team-mate

like this ? y do you play ur child like this?

i think this as you do me wrong and i talk to you long

distance on the phone but I don't ask.

because u tell me you love me and

i believe it's true and im scared of the answers

you may give me and no matter what they say you did

i don't really know because ive tooned them all out.

man this shit has me all fucked up and

i act just like you nd you ..............

yeh it's tearing me up inside.