Tearing me up

Those words seem to eat away at me from time to time.

Like how could you, my own father, call me a "fuck up"

and then joke with me all in the same hour.

I'm think in the back of my mind how shitty you are

all the while I laugh at your stupid ass.

Even though one shouldn't think this but you sure as hell make me

wonder for you, what it is you'll do when your all old and shriveled up and

need someone to take care of you?

but for real i won't take this verbal abuse.

when i tell you how i feel or even say something back

I get nothing but "Fuck Are you so sensitive for acting like a pussy

go cry in a corner boo whoo"

Nigga fuck you!. then you get mad when I start to

tlking bout yo ass, yeah bitch i am my fathers child.

but when i do it im a smart ass who got a bad attitude .

yeh and you don't want me to be like mommy.

ma they keep telling me everyone even your own son

how cruddy you are but for some reason no matter

how much you hurt me i cn't let you go .

i mean ma im on your teeeeam, y u play ur team-mate

like this ? y do you play ur child like this?

i think this as you do me wrong and i talk to you long

distance on the phone but I don't ask.

because u tell me you love me and

i believe it's true and im scared of the answers

you may give me and no matter what they say you did

i don't really know because ive tooned them all out.

man this shit has me all fucked up and

i act just like you nd you ..............

yeh it's tearing me up inside.

Baby I don't think I can see your halo.

i had to write this down before i lost my paper >.<
--written in class as the boy i kinda sorta talked to's ex girl walks by. =[
im completely done with the whole thing really. he shall become my pass.


Ive never actually met a guy( i wrote nigga on the paper, but im tryna be relate-able to all races lol) with a halo.
Ive never actually claimed a guy ** (=p) to know
Actually I don't feel that's necessary because a guy's ** never shown sincerity on the heavens sent clarity which is rightfully unknown. (confusing but work with me)
But am I fool enough to read the bull shit as though it is realness written in stone?
Oh yes
For I could never cross to the other side in which females lie.
As dirty as the dozens I feel as if you could never understand me really.
In my soul I hold a sacred something truly my own that I will take to grave with me because
fear has me
weak to share and has captivated my life to where I am afraid to live
as another being but as scared.
scared to trust
scared to love
scared to care
scared to stay
scared to go
scared to think
scared to do
&& as each day goes by ultimately scared to breathe.
By the will power vested in me I get deep into these bowels if disgust and rise up.

Get this

I'm speaking metaphorically so don't be turned off by the nature of it this may come off a little explicit but just read it till the end. In order to understand me you can't just see me. Naah, you can't just walk by and view this and think you can pick up the jist just by a glance or even a stare. In order to under stand me you can't just smell me. These mind watering scents becoming too strong for your nose. Your hunger for me will grow intensly. As you begin to submerge me within the walls of your mouth just as soon as i come into contact with your lips i am instantly too much for your ordinary tastebud. As you swallow this I am way too thick and choppy for your delicate throat and you quickly wash me down with water. But water does not seem to resolve your issues as it burns like fire quickly thudding against the pit of your empty stomach. My mind doesn't speak out to those with weak souls I come hard and I come fast you either get it or you don't. But to actually figure me out; baby inorder for you to get me, you got to digest me entirely and fully. =]