I am ..

I am the one who sits alone

at the lunch table sipping chocolate milk

watching everyone laugh with their friends.

The one that carries all those heavy books

for all her advanced classes and rushes to class

for she has noone to converse with in the hall

and fear of being caught in hall sweep.

i am the girl that gets ohh so nervous in front of

boys and can't stop smiling ...

I am the one who's quiet in the group

and lets all her friends do the talking

I am the one who's too chubby and fat to shop 4 clothes

I am the one who just cries

becuase I'm scared of life

I dnt feel these ways all the
time and I've grown up a lot
and changed in many ways but I am still this girl
I haven't forgotten what I used to be.

Fuck Friends

I wish a guy would want me for more than

just to fuck..

more than just to lay between my thighs

more than just his fuck friend

and whatever the hell else ..

I wish he would want me because he needs me.

He needs me around to make his day and my smile

would lighten up his world.

Our conversation would have so much meaning

so many feelings

genuine sweet feelings.

he wouldn't have to love me but he would care about me .

not just about how i look and how phat my butt is .

or even how rough and fast i like it...

i wish a guy would want me for more than just to fuck .

more than just his fuck friend...

Not Rockin

Wtf?
so nalani hooks me up with juan
as mentioned before....
but remind you guys that i rarely seen him in school
the face just looked familiar.

Soooo Springbreak is over
been talking to Juan a couple days we
agree to c each other in school...
WTF! I see this nigga he short as shit look little as shit.
Lil ass 10 year old looking boy
and he a junior
ohh hell no .

I aint Rockin..


Ummmm the Zo thing is a figment
of my imagination
he texts me bt when i txt back
he gives no further reply
... sooo we nt talking ne more? I guess =/

Geesh I can't leave them previous niggas alone
I hate that my resisitance is so loooow
there like kryptonite to my SuperWomaness lmao

Well this is another quickie 1st period is almost over
Love you guys MUUUUUAH

been gone for a minute

the yelnats and i have officially ended everything
no contact whats so ever
the myspace dead
text dead
calls dead
seeing each other ... extra dead

can you believe
his baby mother told her mother
about the baby and she kicked her out
yelnats mother not wanting her
grandchild on the streets let her move in with them

you damn right i stopped talking to his ass lol
but it was mutual ...

soooo i chilled with zo ... finally
got kinda ... well alota physical ....
lol .... but umm for the most part
i enjoyed it and we cool.

ummm gotta new joint
named
juan
.... well i dk where this is gonna go
but he cool as shit..
and he funny as all outdoors.
only2 problems
he attends the same school as me
and we the same height....

smoove jesus sandals and flipflops 4 me lls
...... tired of short niggas approaching me
geesh

i mean yelnats and all the utha were tall bt
recently i been getting the midget macs...

ummm other news
hair has been natural 4
3 months .. grew 2 inches lls
as well as i did major spring shopping
still got things i wanna get ...
Overall Spring break was good
mom loafed on me again
but im good
got to visit my real family

Things to talk about soon

--Zo
--Juan
--Hair
--School/grades
--Clothes
--ME ♥
just a quickie 4 my digestees

bad girls club

i'm just being bad latley
i totally skipped school 4 the 1st time lmao
i actually left and hopped in a car with my friends.
well my friends and i hopped in the car
with these guys but same difference.
any ways........ the significance
of that is that my aunt is an administrator
and the school go to i not in my district
so she take me to and from school
this operation had to be smooth

so we go to my bestie frenchies house
everything cool
watching tv
then dude strt asking 4 my number
... we playing, laughing, talking i give it to him
then thats when frenchie and rell go 4 tht alone time
bridget i there and shes preggo so utha dude
which i think is triflin was all up on her talking
"pregnnt pussy the wetest she shittin on yall"
im like ewww but do you brah
ne ways dude talking to me named draino lls...
so he's all sucking my neck and grinding his body on
top of me while im sitting on the steps
... no i did not just say hey ! lay on me !!
i tell dude stop and im tryna push him off but
hes persistent and once those lips touched my
neck i got weaker but then he started saying
"whassup with you though? u tryna yeah?"
im like wtf no. ... do i know you?

time fast foward
so it' like n hour or two later
me frenchie nor bridget given up the cheeks
so basically they tryna dip
mind u i gottah get back to school cusz it's
been over 4 like n hour
and my aunt gon be leaving soon.
im like take me baccccccccck!!!!
he ask rell 4 the keys
and he's out to take me then
rell says "what u gon do 4 tht ride?"
im like bitch why wud u say that
and im like what ?!?
this is so cruddy so after about 15min of rguing
they leave im stranded


our dumb asses calling
everybody and they momma
no luck time winding dwn
finallly im like ima catch the bus
we standing outside
4 like 10 min
thats when rob just happend to drive by
he takes me back to the school 4 5$'
i ddnt even care if i paid him 10$ 5$ a kisss
it aint matter lls i just had to get to the school

i get there and my aunt is still there
but my jcket smells like ll weed
thnks to robs carr.
so i run to my locker and spray and air out

basically i got away with skipping
and getting back
moral of this is
Fuck NIGGAS!!
pussy fiends

& Who knew

This weekend I got bagged.

I got bagged on the day I wasn't

even doing anything but I lied about where i was

and got caught up.

geesh but i'll live

if only dad knew where i was

or what i was doing the night before

that lil lie about being in my friensds house but

really we were up the street would be nothing.

Lol I sound like one of those sluttygirls.

Like those girls on the movies who are like really good but

every chance they are away from their

parents they go crazy and get wild.

I saw yelnats it had been 3 weeks

since the last time.

It was okay.

can't believe the things i did ....

or him ... with him geeeesh

Im bold as all hell but

thats another stroy all together and this is a blog

and quite frankly we won't go there.

lol .

i think I'm starting to finally live this

life of mine.... Doing things that make "me" happy

and not giving a fuck about my bitch at all.

Anyways

when I was in middle school and i

used to get on the computer there

was this guy named Zo.

all these boys would steal his pictures

and act like him.

but he was so beautiful and he lived in the area

i went to school. Girls would geek over this

nigga something crazy

including me and my stupid friends.

i never ever knew him

Don't think i would ever get to know him

i didn't even think he would ever talk to me.

but thats was like 2 1/2 to 3 years ago.

recently my highschool plays his school

in a basketball game and heres there.

I know it's him becuase it's like

thats "ZO"! lol thats like my 1st time

ever seeing this dude in person.

He doesn't even notice me but I'm not

even sitting where he can see me.

Almost a week later I recieve a

message on myspace

from Zo.

Several fakes have his pictures so

I don't believe it's him.

but then I look at his friends and they

are all the same people i seen him with at the

game and he has all this Capital Heights stuff on his page.

So im like it has to be the real one becuase

fakes don't have real friends lol

just a bunch girls on their tops.

Long story short I give dude my number.

We start talking and we hanging out this thursday

after school.

.....

Who knew i would

ever talk to Zo?

wow lol.

and for real for real

it's like i used to be so pressed . wishd

i knew him wishd I could get him

and now it's like i got him and ....

and idk lol .

it's crazy how things come around.

Yess;

no bf.
it was my fault
i ended it.
it goes down like this:

yesterday i go out with my friend
afryca to the movies.
we were spossed to spend the night
at her grammas house
which is like 5 min away from my EX-boyfriend
but we can't because she has a job orientation
so we go back to her house instead
long story short
he's mad because by the time the movie is over
and the train ride etc i couldn't go to see him
and he couldn't come to my friends house.
so he's all like u don't care and
u not tryna c me blah blah bla
... sum it up
i was like im just not ready to be in a relationship
and that i knew everything was gonna
mess up when we made it official and that
im not good with this love stuff
ive never even been in anything long-term
then he' like
u don't care about shit
u dnt wnna be wit me
bye u playin stupid games.
fuck it . fuck us.
.....
i wasn't even hurt or upset
just feeling bad
because
this is the 1st , 2nd , i mean 3rd
time i done killed a boys heart
and they had all these feelings for me
and now they be all Fuck females
they all the same and do girls dirty
because they thought i was different
"your(my) demeanor && swagg is
different from other girls"or so they say
then i just don't connect ne more
and drop em or worse cheat.
(i've only cheated once like
had 2 bf's @ the same time and that was like 08)

then i txt him
and i say
i want us to be good friends
like b4 and have no labels because
the bf and gf thing has killed us entirely.
he agreed
and said that he still loved me nd wanted to c me nd
that we still together even though we nt
bf and gf if that makes sense

damn
as im writing the blog as of now
he txt me
"where r u?"
me: at home
him: i have something to tell u
me : ok
him: remember the girl i ued to talk to like
3month b4 u and we was together 4 8
me:yeah
me: what is she pregnant? lmao
him: yeah ; 3 months to be exact
and i jut found out today
and thats why i was kirkin out on u
and if u want to leave becuase this is to much u can
me:i like u reguardless baby or not
him: you sure
me:yeah
him: u know her needs come b4 urs
me: yeah, but i dnt need ne thing from u
im straight
him:you sure
me: WTF do you want me to say no
him: shutup lol i love you
me: i love you too

------- moral is
im boyfriend less
but my dude lls
has a baby on he way
.......... wow
he done fucked my post up
that wasn't even the moral b4 lol
..... geesh .
but im mature.
ill get through this.
but YES!!!! im kinda free