I FEEEL THE LOVE!

aww miss stefani ! ur sooo helpful
i feel supported.
i havent lost any lb's
not that i look bad or anything.
i just feel like i would
be happier and healthier with the weight loss.
Ive never had an issue getting guys
i just feel as though im looked at more sexually
than just a beautiful girl a guy would want to date.
like i honestly have never ever been on a date
but ive had sex several times.
i know i know thats my own fualt but still
like i think it's becuase im so thick guys just see me as
a piece of meat or like a fantasy oppossed to a nice girl
they would want to get to know.
im thinking the weight loss would probaly help?

doing the damn thing

okay so I got all a's and one b = 4.25 for final report card
got a job ;)
which also means getting money =]
will be taking my drivers test soon = getting car
only thing now is losing like 20 lbs and possibly toning up
if i do that my life will be compleeeeete =]
i don't even need a boyfriend im content with myself for now ;)

Just Me

I don't write on here anymore nor do I necessarily want to write on here ne more. I just needed somewhere to write for the moment and didn't feel like picking up pen and paper.The computer is always more convienant. I asked my bestfriend at that to tell me everything negative about me. No I'm not depressed or sad i just wanted to know from someone who I trust and know loves me. She said " You can be clingy at time && a computer head.. you seem needy sometimes && act like you dk what to do w/ urslf && THE VOICE(i get this scared baby voice everytime i talk to new people), you always complain you don't have good clothes cus ur big or you cnt dress && then you try on my clothes && leave them on the floor, I cant do nething but sigh for you . Like me nd Shelby dream of wearing rugby and polo & lacoste big shit all the time . but you like complain and whine & i try , i really do, to help nd lift your spirits up, but im tired b/c it's becoming a cycle && it's annoying. Youre pretty, but you always want what someone else has , it's like ur never satisfied w/ yourself && I try to help you but my patience is gettn low cus idk what 2 do w/ you."

i really appreciate her telling me all this . Not that she wouldnt tell me all this becuase she does nothing but keep it 100 percent honest but sometimes it's like i relally don't know what to do with myself. I ride the train and feel so uncomfortable in the crowd of people. I'm not confident inmyself and I'm very insecure. and I ALWAYS want what someone else has and i dn't have ne backbone and i cling to everything i feel I love becuase i dn't want it to leave me or go away... idk i mean i feel change coming for me . Im soon to be in the 12th grade this upcoming fall . I got one year to get all the bullshit out of my system before college hopefully i take full advantage of it.

Till then I'll practice on learning to love and to like and to deal with JUST ME.

IDIOT

I am lost.
Scared and lost.
I want to float.
To float away.
Stupid girl.
stupid stupid girl.