One happy little island

going to Aruba
=]
tomorrow.
my bestfriend will b there too.
I love her man.

any whooo
Aruba .. sweet sweet Aruba .
i swear every year I go it bring new beginnings..
I lost my virginity on Eagle Beach
..... that was one of the wort nights i ever had...
but it was the most life changing.
Sometimes I wish I could take it back
be pure again... tender innocence.
but it happened ... and thats life ..
thats where everything began ...
that's what paved things out my 10th grade year..
It was me actually taking chances
not to say i should have done it
but it brought me out of my shell...
maan this year ..... was hell but it was GREAT!

I swear my years are backwards
everyone starts the year january 1st
but mines doesn't start till June 1st.
my summers make and break me for the upcomming
school year. .....
all my resolutions... goals experiences
everything dnt start till then ....

But im not gon get deep
i still got ish to pack and it's
12:01 midnight ....
but yeah might nt b posting 4 a while
but ill be back wit some
pics and stories and life stuff in about a week.

Toodles
-MurdahMimz! lol

Dear God

why am I this way?
it is said i am made 4 a purpose
but that is that?
everyday i am constantly told
reminded and proven that I
aint shit .
Can u believe my father said
fuck me again today
over a damn hash brown?
i mean im not mad and
im not gon let it beat me up
just disappointed because
he had a big temper tantrum
like a bitch (excuse my language
but that's how i talk God ...
y censor it if u hear me talk like this all day
I have confidence that that won't change
how u think or feel about me .... u do love
me right?) but he did that and
then gets mad at me and calls me
selfish and childish .... r u serious?
.... I pray for him God
please give him some insight show him that
he's fuckin crazy sometimes.

God will i ever find someone ?
not a boyfriend or ne of that just guy
that i like that i can chill with ...
a guy that dont mind going out with me
(he don't even gotta dish out ne money)
someone that when we alone he not thinking
Ass tittys pussy fuck
but he genuinely wanna spend his time with me .
he wanna talk to me and get to know me
not about just my sexual life....
someone that keeps it real all the time
and dnt mind the stupid txts i send
and the pointless calls with no motives of fucking.
God y is it that no guy has ever liked me like that?
is it because ima lard ass?
guys don't wanna dare go out in public with me
is it because im boring?
is it because all guy think about when they see me
is ass?
i mean i dnt even wear revealing clothes....
and everytime im talking to someone
they all my friend until we have sex then
it's over...
i mean ive stopped doing that but is that all
guys expect from me?
.... i swear its like all i am is a quick fuck and
i be pouring myself out there being real and
true and they take advantage of that play with my mind and
dogg me out...

God....
y do i dislike myself so much
i know self esteem
is 4 myself self
im spossed2 feel good about me
but i don't
personally i feel im so ugly
not from a physical standpoint
bt everything else
my personality is sooo shitty
the things i do are fucked up
my priorities alll wrong.
evrrrrrything.. and im 15 and im fucking
..... and i been fucking raw...
what part of the game is this?
y am i sucha a idiot God?
.... how i let myself make these mistake time
and time again and i know better.
and don;t let me get started on the physical ...
like seriously does my mouth have an off switch
i just eat and eat and eat ... and i know im just eating everything
i dnt even feel bad about it 4 utha people
but im so tired of looking at my lard ass...
nd when i be working out and eating right that last maybe a month
and then it's back to bn a fat ass....
maaaaan i hate me god ...
god .... help me to love myself
inside and out ...

theres so many things i wanna talk about
with you just don;t have that kinda time...
.... but help me out with these things up there
please im not asking 4 a miracle but just some
tips some signs some something to help me through this ...

Amen.

love
morgan.

Fuckery

i hate that damn movie
"He's Just not that into you"
like seriously .....
like im sooo pisssssed
you uncuntworthy whores of men
..... *takes a deep breathe*
okay i over exxaggerated
but really like .... it was just so

true

like i was just mad the whole entire time
even when everyone mixed and matched and
was happy in the end like
people are seriously fucked up that
we do this shit to each other ....
not just guys
but us females too...

becuase i've had my share of guys that i've
just hooked up with or talked to momentarily
etc etc and didn't even think twice about them
blew their text, phone calls, and messages off.
I felt bad about it but i learned that
people do as they have been done

It's like monkey see monkey do.
People fuck over each other because of their
previous fuck over from someone else
and everyone is trying to play the other person
before they get played

then there are those that are hopeless romantics
that lay themselves on the line time and time again
to just get burned by the same damn flames
different candle every time ....(sometimes it may
even esp. in my case the same fuckin candle)

but really like people ..... is this honestly
how we are living now
using double standards ...
rules.... and exceptions etc. to justify our lives and
our emotional being.
Hell yeah it is because
thats all we know
all we've seen done .

When were tired of playing follow the leader
(who ever and whatever that might be) maybe
the world would be a better place.

Waiting to Exhale

I feel like a hot air balloon
Open to those under neath it
i.e. friends, close companions
but closed to those around it
Constantly being filled
with hot nasty negative airs
So much that I'm flying high above
the clouds .

Like I took a great big breath and
haven't exhaled yet. Like I'm suffocating.
This 2008-09
school year changed my life.
Yes 9'th grade was a good year
but 10'th grade has definitely won the title.
Alot of 1st times doing this and that
and really experiencing things .... without
a care in the world and then
came the biggest hardships and the
biggest downfalls and being hurt.
The many relationships
the guys ....everything.

I went to graduation yesterday
I really felt like crying when
they threw their caps in the air.
I don't know but it's like i felt as if
a part of me was gone.
Like them not being with me in FHS
took a big chunk out of me.
But then I took a deep breathe.

I didn't exhale ... i held the cry in.
i held the breathe in.
I have a hard time accepting losses..
losses in anything.
But I'm learning to let stuff go.
Well not really
but I'm trying.

i "realized" once I
Evaluate.Understand.Realize.
I stated this before previously .
But once I actually do this
and then LET GO .
I can then exhale.

Shout outs

if i ever were to die id want these people
to know I LOVEEEEE THEM!

-Omonigho
-Nalani
-Afryca
-Amina
-Alexis
-Asia W (A. Solo)
-Gabel
-William
-Javel
-Shanee
-Ariana
and family but yeah those wud be my mains
and id hope they come to my funeral. lls

i screamed for Help

but noone did.


today i was very sexually harassed by this
mentally ill boy.
His brother happens to be
one of the star football players as
well as their 4 or 3 older brothers
that came before them but
the youngest one is mentally ill
but very physically able .

He's very friendly when it comes to girls
and girls being nice give them their numbers
etc. etc. jut because he slow.

but I on the other hand rejected
this nature because
I don't think that shit is cute
and I reeeally don;t need him calling
bugging me .... He just flipped out
saying WHY! yelling why (in a retarded voice)
screaming at me pulling at me .

he was so stroooong
Taking me closer trying to kiss me ..
locking my body up between him nd
the walls ... finally i get free nd run
to people but they laugh thinking it's a joke
and im like no it's serious help me !!
and everyone just laughed and left..
So i run away trying to find safety
and there he is chasing me
screaming crazily.

..... now i understand how rape victims feel
like completely helpless under someone
trying to break free .. fighting for urself
and not being able to .

I mean it may not seem serious to u
but i felt completely violated and
helpless. sexual harassment is no
joke because at 1st it may start off as fun and
games but it started to get real and serious
i was really scared.... but i ran to
safety outside ... with a big group ...

It's funny how people just accept things
or turn a blind eye this is our society ...

i coulda been molested or something
he was dragging me down dark parts of hallways
and grabbin at me ......
glad i broke free...

I learned to listen !
when people scream help
and or something seems wrong
im not just going to ignore it
and say "that aint my business"
im going to atleast look into it ....
who knows? it maybe
someone in my same situation.