Waiting to Exhale

I feel like a hot air balloon
Open to those under neath it
i.e. friends, close companions
but closed to those around it
Constantly being filled
with hot nasty negative airs
So much that I'm flying high above
the clouds .

Like I took a great big breath and
haven't exhaled yet. Like I'm suffocating.
This 2008-09
school year changed my life.
Yes 9'th grade was a good year
but 10'th grade has definitely won the title.
Alot of 1st times doing this and that
and really experiencing things .... without
a care in the world and then
came the biggest hardships and the
biggest downfalls and being hurt.
The many relationships
the guys ....everything.

I went to graduation yesterday
I really felt like crying when
they threw their caps in the air.
I don't know but it's like i felt as if
a part of me was gone.
Like them not being with me in FHS
took a big chunk out of me.
But then I took a deep breathe.

I didn't exhale ... i held the cry in.
i held the breathe in.
I have a hard time accepting losses..
losses in anything.
But I'm learning to let stuff go.
Well not really
but I'm trying.

i "realized" once I
Evaluate.Understand.Realize.
I stated this before previously .
But once I actually do this
and then LET GO .
I can then exhale.