Dear God

why am I this way?
it is said i am made 4 a purpose
but that is that?
everyday i am constantly told
reminded and proven that I
aint shit .
Can u believe my father said
fuck me again today
over a damn hash brown?
i mean im not mad and
im not gon let it beat me up
just disappointed because
he had a big temper tantrum
like a bitch (excuse my language
but that's how i talk God ...
y censor it if u hear me talk like this all day
I have confidence that that won't change
how u think or feel about me .... u do love
me right?) but he did that and
then gets mad at me and calls me
selfish and childish .... r u serious?
.... I pray for him God
please give him some insight show him that
he's fuckin crazy sometimes.

God will i ever find someone ?
not a boyfriend or ne of that just guy
that i like that i can chill with ...
a guy that dont mind going out with me
(he don't even gotta dish out ne money)
someone that when we alone he not thinking
Ass tittys pussy fuck
but he genuinely wanna spend his time with me .
he wanna talk to me and get to know me
not about just my sexual life....
someone that keeps it real all the time
and dnt mind the stupid txts i send
and the pointless calls with no motives of fucking.
God y is it that no guy has ever liked me like that?
is it because ima lard ass?
guys don't wanna dare go out in public with me
is it because im boring?
is it because all guy think about when they see me
is ass?
i mean i dnt even wear revealing clothes....
and everytime im talking to someone
they all my friend until we have sex then
it's over...
i mean ive stopped doing that but is that all
guys expect from me?
.... i swear its like all i am is a quick fuck and
i be pouring myself out there being real and
true and they take advantage of that play with my mind and
dogg me out...

God....
y do i dislike myself so much
i know self esteem
is 4 myself self
im spossed2 feel good about me
but i don't
personally i feel im so ugly
not from a physical standpoint
bt everything else
my personality is sooo shitty
the things i do are fucked up
my priorities alll wrong.
evrrrrrything.. and im 15 and im fucking
..... and i been fucking raw...
what part of the game is this?
y am i sucha a idiot God?
.... how i let myself make these mistake time
and time again and i know better.
and don;t let me get started on the physical ...
like seriously does my mouth have an off switch
i just eat and eat and eat ... and i know im just eating everything
i dnt even feel bad about it 4 utha people
but im so tired of looking at my lard ass...
nd when i be working out and eating right that last maybe a month
and then it's back to bn a fat ass....
maaaaan i hate me god ...
god .... help me to love myself
inside and out ...

theres so many things i wanna talk about
with you just don;t have that kinda time...
.... but help me out with these things up there
please im not asking 4 a miracle but just some
tips some signs some something to help me through this ...

Amen.

love
morgan.