Ignorant Shit

"Love is blind, and it will take over your mind
What you think is love, is truly not

You need to elevate and find"

I'm more than overly tired with myself.
Why do I continue to do the things I warn others not to.
I've never been one for relationships ...... to b honest I
have never really been in one. Maybe a couple
flings here and there and maybe might have "said" bf and gf
but it wasn't real. I'm only 15 though.
But this ... this right here is as real as the sky is blue and the
grass is green. Yelnats nd I are ... OFFICIAL.
It's really scary to me this love thing. I'm not even sure
I really honestly love him but there's this weird feelin i get
not like sexual but a genuine one when I talk to him and
when I am with him. I can't play with him like I could sooooo
easily with ne other guy but when I am talking to him I can't
even think to lie.... think to say ne thing to mess us up.
He's got me so open. It's like Iv'e never in my life had a guy
that I could talk to and tell him everything ... and i mean everything
&& feel okay and comfortable enough to even do that.
I actually trust him.

But that is not the reason for this post.

What I am getting at is the relationship bit.
When Yelnats and I 1st started talking it was just deep like
nothing more .... maybe a lil less on my side lol but
we weren't trying to start ne thing neither of us would finish.
we talked about this all the time. both scared giving "us" a label
would mess everything up. But on March 1st he asked and I said yes.
For at least 20 min after he asked I was in hysteria. I cried thinkin about it.
I couldn't believe it had gotten so serious. But "I"said "YES".
like I dn't think you understand the sinificance of that word yes
but me , guys and the word yes do not mix well.

Ne ways on the 3rd Yelnats says
I know we talked about this before and each of us
has been talkin to "one" other person but I think
that you talk to more than 'one' other.
Not that this is a bad thing but I can tell you got
alotta niggas and you not ugly so there will be alot
of niggas on you. what I mean is tht if you feel you not
ready to be in this realationship just tell me. becuase I'd
rdther find out from you than to find out somethin myself.
I wouldn't never be mad becuase I love you and you know
that and you know i would wait for you.

I mean it sounds like typical nigga talk but you gottah
know him. I recognize real.... and it be oozin out of this nigga
naturally.

But still I haven't made my point yet.

Yes hes right I do talk to like 3 other guys than him....
but thats becuase we weren't serious at the time.
What makes me mad is that I can't seem to drop these
3 niggas. They are repeat niggas. Like niggas I keep sayin
"why you keep fucking me over?" about but I keep lettin
them re-enter my life and play with my head.
I swear no matter how much I delete their numbers and how long
I go without talking to them tht number ends back up in my fone.
It's like this everytime.
Something sooo good is right infront of my face but I don't even acknowledge it .
I gottah turn around and walk dwn the street to talk to the guy
that doesn't really gives a rats ass about me but what I look like and
could he possibly have a chance to lay me down. or "chill"
aint that what they call fuckin now? lmao Im hip to this shit niggas.

But what makes me mad is that I know they playing me .
That I know they don't care about whatever it is I do or wanna do
and still I'm so blinded but what? I don't know and keep
letting them do this to me. Like in Eves song love is blind
she says " Tired and Tired but she never could escape you.
she was in love and I'd ask her how? I mean why?
what kind of love from a nigga would black your eye?
what kind of love from a nigga every night make you cry?
what kind of love from a nigga make you wish he would die?"
I don't love ne of them or ne thing and I aint gettin beat up
(I WISH A NIGGA WOULD) but thats similar to my situation
like I keep saying I'm done with it even before Yelnats
came along because noone deserves that but I keep them
around for some reason and I know they doin me wrong.
i let them do me wrong.... and thts what hurts the most.

Example (this is what happend today )
so I always talk to this boy in class he' always messing
with me so when I go over to him today (I know I was
a thirsty broad coming to him and shit) he acts like he dnt
even wanna talk to me . but he's tryna grab my butt
and he's tryna touch me. I push his hands off.
he tells me to "go away girl leave me alone"
so im pissed like wtf? we been talking
everyday "like real serious talking (on my side any way)
about this issue of fakin. just about and yur dissin me .
so i just leave "it" alone.
as we leave the class he tries to grab me
I'm like "dnt touch me!"
and he gts mad at me .....

WTF
ne ways i txt him later and say "u fake'
he says '...ok'
am i the only one who see's something
extremely wrng with this picture?

Then it makes me think of Jay-Z's song ignorant shit.
How he comes raw and he be thinking with his lyrics
but people would prefer that igorant shit.

"This that ignorant shit you like
nigga fuck shit ass bitch trick plus ice.
c'mo i got that ignorant shit you love
nigga fuck shit maricon puta and drugs.
etc. etc"

It's all these great guys with substance approaching me
who stood by me . listend to me . was there for me. cared
for and about me. not just to fuck or get something me but in
exchnge for the same care back . But I pushed them all away for that
ignorant shit.

I won't mess up with yelnats. I promise you that. naaah, I promise me that.